Tosspot

Sixteen salvatory sausages assured me that everything was going to be okay.
 But the muddy mammalia from which the meat had been made
 were no more than the friends of the foul fowl brigade.
 Mistrusting and mysterious they displayed no signs or compassion or any kind of rational reasoning.
When asked simply - why?
 They replied with a series of arbitrary cocks and doodle doo's
 - No hi's and how are you's?
 This level of rejection is beyond any sort of complex justification, but is merely the result
 of attempted farmyard conversation.

How to kill a protagonist.

Blimp.
    This girl person, whom I have refused to give the bare necessity of a name is really really boring. I don't know if you've noticed? Thing is, killing her off is a fairly difficult to do. She needs something stupid enough to match her stupid hair.
     This is essentially what happened...
     'Hello? Is anybody here?'
     'Yeah'
     'How improbably convenient.' Said she.
     'What can I do you for?' said the improbable convenience.
     'Where am I?'
     'Where are you? Why you're in Chisel of course!'
     'Chisel?'
     'Chisel.'
     'Where exactly is Chisel may I ask?'
     'What a silly question! Chisel is here of course!'
     'Yeah I gathered, but where is here?'
     'This is Chisel, I just told you that.'
     'So you did, but I want to know where Chisel is...'
     'Why do you want to know that? You're already here!'
     'So I can get as far away from here as possible to be perfectly honest.'
     'Oh, so where do you want to go?'
     'Anywhere.'
     'Oh Anywhere! That's over there by That.'
     'What?'
     'No, What is in the opposite direction to That.'
     'What!'
     'Yes What.'
     'You're insane!'
     'No, I'm an improbable convenience. No wonder nobody likes you.'
And with that, it left.
You still following?
    So Dickface Mcgirl or something took a wonder and walked in some sort of direction or something to find some non-specifics until something else something'd it's way into the scene. Scrumptious.

Hugh.

     Meanwhile, in a place where something completely unrelated was happening...
     Hugh ran through the forest. Suddenly he blew his nose and it started to grow and grow. Then, he felt his foot start to grow and his shoe fell off and flew into the air.
     'Oh no!' cried Hugh. 'I knew today was going to be a bad day.' He took off his other shoe and threw it away.
     'Moo!' yelled an angry cow as the shoe hit it's head.
     'Now I will have to buy some new shoes' said Hugh.

Chapter four. Or as I like to call it - Chapter four.

     That girl person took a second to take in what had just happened. Well, I say a second, but in reality it took her a really really really long time. But to be fair, I think that anybody would be surprised if they were unexpectedly teleported to an unknown location. Especially if this was done by a trouble making chimpanzee for seemingly no reason whatsoever. It's not like the writer didn't actually have a plan for the castle and so decided to effectively start again entirely by changing the setting... Ahem.
     So this totally new place presented practically an infinite amount of possibilities. It could be a new country, a new planet or something exciting like that. Maybe this new world was made of marshmallows and chocolate coins? Maybe it was inhabited by strange new creatures called flopalops which look a bit like rabbits except they can juggle? Maybe - but it's easier to write about what you know.
     It was a dark dark night. The wind was strong and the rain was quite strong as well. It was generally fairly nasty...
     I'm just kidding.
     She found herself on the outskirts of what appeared to be an old western town. Rocky mountains were visible on the horizon and the ground was covered in rocky rocks. Some tumbleweed rolled towards her, it proceeded to stop, slap her whilst muttering something about 'damn kids nowadays' and then continue on it's way. The place was desserted - there were ice creams and an assortment of puddings everywhere.
     As she approached the town, she realised that she was feeling very nervous and apprehensive. Her hands felt like jelly and she felt like she was going to throw up. There were two possible explanations for why she suddenly felt this way. One of which was that maybe, just maybe, it was her destiny to be here. Maybe whatever she was seeking was in this derelict town. Whether it be a person, a thing, or a person-like thing. Perhaps it was here, and she could sense it.
     Or, Perhaps it was just due to the fact that she had consumed so much of the dessert that was lying around on the floor - the greedy pig. This would also explain why her hands felt like jelly.  Just a thought.

A little bit of chapter three.

     The girl Earthwalked into the large room. Looking around, she noticed that the inside of the castle was in fact as large as the outside. It was just one gargantuan room. It would appear that whoever constructed the castle could not be bothered to build anything other than the exterior. Either that or the guy writing about it couldn't be bothered to describe anything other than a huge empty space.

     Little miss something surveyed the huge empty space. It was pretty empty - and huge. There were some half-eaten fajitas lying on the floor and 'El Jarabe Tapatio' was playing from somewhere above. If the girl didn't know better, she would have said that a Sombrero wearing silhouetted figure was on the roof. But she wasn't that foolish - was she?

     Heck no, what's that over there that the girl completely failed to see? A teleportation device? That's so random. Once the omniscient narrator had pointed her in the right direction, she trotted on over to inspect it more intimately. The technology was far superior to anything the girl had ever seen before. There were loads of flashing lights and switches. Things that made it look all proper fancy like.
     A trouble-making chimpanzee (who had been there the entire time - just not pointed out up until this point) told her to stand inside the wonderful contraption and press the big red button. Silly trouble-making chimpanzee. Why are you going around making all this trouble?
     He doesn't know. He's just a chimpanzee. He can't even play the kazoo. 

     With a great big whoosh and some warping noises the girl was de-materialised and transmitted across the cosmos to a place beyond her wildest dreams. A place that went by the name of 'Chisel'.
     After re-materialising, the girl took a second to catch her breath. It couldn't stand being part of her much longer and had tried to escape whilst her body bits were all muddled up. Unfortunately for the entire universe, she caught her breath and continued living. Urgh.
     

Somewhat chapter two.

     The girl was unwelcomingly welcomed into the castle by two large doors. They were old, stained black and totally gross. They were made from oak and had been hand-carved to look as terrifying, yet majestic as possible. There was a fragrance of mystery about the doors, which the girl's keen nose picked up on.

     'Smells pretty mysterious if you ask me' she blabbered. She was right. 

     Skulls had been chiselled into the door's frames, the rotting wood discredited some of their presence, but they still served as a warning to anyone who was foolish enough to venture up and have a good old gander. 

     As a matter of fact, the doors were by far more interesting than the girl. Which explains their hugely overshadowing description by a long shot. Pah! She's just so bland. 

     That dirty whore strained against the doors, attempting to force them open, but they remained sealed. It was only when it was pointed out that they were pull doors that she finally managed to stumble into the castle. But lo and behold, what should she encounter but another door. 

     'Keep out' read the door. 

     'You can't tell me what to do - you're a door.'

     'Damn, you're right' said the door as it swung open on it's hinges. 'I hate being a door.' 

     Some more things happened which built suspense and created tension until the girl plodded into the lobby. She feasted her eyes on the room in anticipation, only to be greeted by a massive anticlimax. 

     'Hello' said the anticlimax. 

     Haha, no - I'm only joking. Anticlimaxes don't talk either. 

First chapter or something.

     It was a dark dark night. The wind was strong and the rain was quite strong as well. It was generally fairly nasty. Not the sort of weather the you would typically go for a stroll in. But alas, a young, troubled soul was strutting her stuff down Butternut squash road. She wasn't even wearing a cagoule. What a mental. Sky juice trickled down her bland face. Droplets slid down her bland forehead and over her bland nose. If water could think, it would be glad when it finally fell from her bland chin. But water doesn't think - don't be silly.
     Something happened.
     The girl approached Butternut castle with relative ease. Let's be honest, she had fully functioning legs and the floor was pretty floor-like. Did you know that most human females can walk?
     At the top of the castle, in one of those bits that look like this:was a sombrero. A dark silhouetted figure was wearing it - of course. The girl was pretty unobservant however, and didn't notice this guy - which basically renders his entire being pointless.

     Oh look. A bunny. How about we now tell the story from the bunny's point of view. It would be far more interesting.

     Things what the bunny done.

     "Hey, I'm a bunny. Look at me. Aren't I just so God damn adorable? Look at my floppy ears, and my little fluffy tail. Isn't it just so cute the way my whiskers twitch back and forth? Hey look. Some grass. The wind is strong and so is the rain. Thank goodness I wore my cagougle. I wouldn't be caught dead in thi..." 

     - Oh. Would you look at that. The bunny has been savagely mauled to death by Mr. Phillipson, the local fox. It would be a shame but bunnies don't actually write stories so none of that actually happened.