Tosspot

Sixteen salvatory sausages assured me that everything was going to be okay.
 But the muddy mammalia from which the meat had been made
 were no more than the friends of the foul fowl brigade.
 Mistrusting and mysterious they displayed no signs or compassion or any kind of rational reasoning.
When asked simply - why?
 They replied with a series of arbitrary cocks and doodle doo's
 - No hi's and how are you's?
 This level of rejection is beyond any sort of complex justification, but is merely the result
 of attempted farmyard conversation.

How to kill a protagonist.

Blimp.
    This girl person, whom I have refused to give the bare necessity of a name is really really boring. I don't know if you've noticed? Thing is, killing her off is a fairly difficult to do. She needs something stupid enough to match her stupid hair.
     This is essentially what happened...
     'Hello? Is anybody here?'
     'Yeah'
     'How improbably convenient.' Said she.
     'What can I do you for?' said the improbable convenience.
     'Where am I?'
     'Where are you? Why you're in Chisel of course!'
     'Chisel?'
     'Chisel.'
     'Where exactly is Chisel may I ask?'
     'What a silly question! Chisel is here of course!'
     'Yeah I gathered, but where is here?'
     'This is Chisel, I just told you that.'
     'So you did, but I want to know where Chisel is...'
     'Why do you want to know that? You're already here!'
     'So I can get as far away from here as possible to be perfectly honest.'
     'Oh, so where do you want to go?'
     'Anywhere.'
     'Oh Anywhere! That's over there by That.'
     'What?'
     'No, What is in the opposite direction to That.'
     'What!'
     'Yes What.'
     'You're insane!'
     'No, I'm an improbable convenience. No wonder nobody likes you.'
And with that, it left.
You still following?
    So Dickface Mcgirl or something took a wonder and walked in some sort of direction or something to find some non-specifics until something else something'd it's way into the scene. Scrumptious.

Hugh.

     Meanwhile, in a place where something completely unrelated was happening...
     Hugh ran through the forest. Suddenly he blew his nose and it started to grow and grow. Then, he felt his foot start to grow and his shoe fell off and flew into the air.
     'Oh no!' cried Hugh. 'I knew today was going to be a bad day.' He took off his other shoe and threw it away.
     'Moo!' yelled an angry cow as the shoe hit it's head.
     'Now I will have to buy some new shoes' said Hugh.